I feel destructed ,am squeezed between these buildings, drowned in dust and feel dirty. I cannot do anything, I cannot move; there is no improvement we can only waste our time for the other people to waste their time.
I feel my brain is covered with gray clouds and I stopped thinking. I used to think of things a lot. Well no, I didn't stop thinking but when I think I forgot what the topic was about and then I find myself in the middle of non-sense. Now I am so overwhelmed to think clearly that I just want to get numbed and wait for the next round.
Is this life really?
Is this going to be my life forever? (Well, how long is forever?)
This dust and noises and people chanting and screaming and crying and the city itself lies there within all its beauty covered by dust and dirt makes me want to go and hide somewhere. I cannot be myself, cannot act out myself, speak out myself, be kind, positive, nice, creative, powerful, confident, intelligent. I cannot be anything within this chaos. Constant dizziness.
I am so fragile that I cannot even attack myself nowadays. I feel like I am the one who creates all of these happening and also are not happening.
My mind is clogged.
I need something but I don't have it.
I want to explode but there isn't any room.
These buildings and the dust and the cars and people are still chanting and screaming and crying.
Human-beings nowadays are judging like it is a normal thing and we stopped realizing that we are judging when we are judging. I do not know what I am thinking or writing about now, I am in the middle of nonsense.
Let me just be.
How can I be?
How can I get out of this deep pressed box which is getting pressed and pressed everyday.

To My Lightning

I still don't understand how she is being dead now.
How could she die?
She was my deepest and most sincere friend.
The friend I looked in the eye and understood that I'm being understood.
Without the words, she gave me worlds.
That was the most fearful and surest thing that I was gonna witness her death.
And I did.
I really wish that in somewhere, in some other dimension, she knows that she is being loved from a far far away friend.
I still cry for you, nearly everyday and there is no you to sooth me when I cry. No you to sense this.
You still make laugh with your silly expressions, photos, videos, also to your big belly and your cat walk.
I love you little wing and I think I will continue loving you till the day I die.
Cheers from your shine.

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